“Wow, Vox, it’s been ages since you actually have posted anything on this blog of yours! Did you just finally decide to give up on it just like every other thing you’ve ever attempted at in your entire life?”
One; that was a surprisingly hurtful diss I just gave to myself. Two; actually, no. Just like with all other things in life we love, sometimes we have to put things on the back burner to go and deal with life and a lot of life has happened for me since my last blog. Fear not, though, as I am back with another blog and, hopefully, more blogs to regularly come!
Maybe.
No promises.
But false promises and such aside, back onto the subject of life just getting in the way, that is true on both the grounds that I simply haven’t had a lot of time to write a blog (my free time going to other side projects of mine that I really am trying my best to finish up) as well as the fact that, with being so busy, I simply haven’t had the time to play any games, really, save for a few things that I haven’t thought of writing about on here for whatever reasons.
At least not until today, that is, as today was a landmark moment in my life as a gamer.
For today, myself and my current group of tabletop gamers have finished our campaign that we have spent multiple weekends of the last 20 or so months playing and I felt the need to talk about it today. With all good things, though, this doesn’t start at the end. It starts at the beginning with an old job, a new coworker and my recently acquired copy of the, at the time, new copy of Shadowrun 5e.
I have always been in love with tabletop gaming. The idea that you could make these epic adventures for you and your friends to play however you want was the ultimate allure to someone like me who loved that kind of freedom in gaming. Surprise, though, I had very few friends and very few opportunities to really play. In fact, I can count on one hand how many campaigns I have been a part of to this day, not including with my current group.
My first campaign was a short-lived (at least for me) World of Darkness game in which we played as ourselves during a zombie apocalypse based in our world. That lasted two, maybe three sessions before it kind of just ended. I always assumed I was just unceremoniously kicked out of the group, but my cousin (who I played with in that game and talked me into joining it) never confirmed or denied this.
My second campaign was not much better. It was a Pathfinder one that I ran for another group of friends that went up into flames before we even finished two sessions. That is a dumpster fire I will definitely have to talk about on here, but it is not this story where I will.
Besides those two examples, I had no other experience with tabletop gaming. I watched YouTube guides about how to be a good player and gamemaster as well as actual games being ran online (yes, I was one of the first on the Critical Role fan train. Choo-choo!), but otherwise, I had no experience. I had some friends as well as my cousin who enjoyed the hobby, but most were either already in full tables or didn’t have the time to.
I did not lose hope, though, as I bought the newest copy of Shadowrun 5e as a huge fan of the universe and lore, hoping I could find someone who would like to play it with me. Even to this day, though, that has not been the case.
In my vain hope to eventually play, I had taken the book to my job at the time to read it during my breaks and lunch. This is when the newest coworker at the time, Paul, had seen me reading it and asked what it was. I was used to people having no idea about my wannabe hobby so I kind of gave that hand wave, “oh, it’s a book for a tabletop game” as I wasn’t expecting him to know about it. Not only did he know the hobby, but he also knew Shadowrun.
Needless to say, I had liked Paul before this as he is probably one of the nicest guys I have met even to this day and after this I had liked him all the more.
As time grew on and we got to be more friendly with each other, he would ultimately invite me to listen in on one of his games he ran for his friends at the time in the Deadlands system. After getting over the fact that I am a shy doofus, I ultimately agreed to jump in and did so to listen in, falling in love with the setting and the system as I did.
After hearing this, in a much less fanboy way, he asked if I’d like to do a one-shot with him and some of his friends in a similar system, but different setting that we came to know as East Texas University. “Think Buffy the Vampire Slayer in college” was how he began his pitch. I was hooked from “Buffy”.
This is where I would be introduced to Paul as my first gamemaster in years and where I would also be introduced to (and I apologize if I butcher the spelling, but then again I doubt these guys will ever read this) Chris and Cara.
So, before we continue, I have a confession to make. I am, in my opinion, a hard guy to play tabletop games with. I jump the gun, I can get way too into character, I can barely be in character sometimes, I can come up with crazy ideas or plans (Oh, that reminds me of another story I will have to tell you involving a dog and a gunslinger, but again, this story first). I am a maelstrom of chaos when I play games, for a number of reasons. I’m also pretty sure this is why my first group did not invite me back after a few sessions.
That had not happened with our one-shot, though. Not only did we have a lot of fun (even Paul, even after I had used an unintended part of the environment to defeat the BBEG, seemed to have fun with it), but the three of us kind of just clicked with our characters we made. So much so that we had tweaked them a bit and sent them on a brand new adventure that would become on of the most important ones I have ever been on.
Chris played Dak. Just Dak, like Cher, as we never got an official last name that I ever caught him saying. Dak was a Cheerleader at ETU and was the pretty boy everyone loved.
Cara played Hannah Blackwood, a nerdy girl who loved ghost hunting and cryptozoology who also had nifty druid powers.
I played Tsun Fae Long, or Tsunny, a former gang member turned holy monk who was trying to get his life together and become a doctor. He also had nifty holy powers.
Shortly after that, we would be introduced to another friend of Paul’s who would join the game: Kaleb.
Kaleb played Harris Kooper who was the personification of every My Chemical Romance album blended together and given life. He also had a cursed book and a phoenix, which was pretty cool.
We would play this campaign with this setting on varying weekends for the next 20 months, with off weeks and other smaller campaigns or one-shots mixed in as well. For the most part, though, ETU and this group of gamers in general would weirdly become a superbly important part of my life.
Let me explain.
I don’t write this as a way to get pity points or to be some kind of a sob story, but to understand how this group and campaign would become such a priority will take some context in my actual backstory as well. So buckle up, it’s going to get a little emo. Just not as emo as Harris.
At the time of beginning ETU, I had been going through a lot of personal problems. My girlfriend and I were fighting like cats and dogs constantly, my job was becoming a complete pain in the neck, I had no real friends at the time and due to my situation I had no real outlet for any stress in my life. The girlfriend and lack of other friends part had become major subjects of frustration and depression for me, especially. Not to mention that we had just gotten a new house and the added frustrations of more bills did not help, either.
Then, after we began gaming, things began happening that would become problematic to me and the group. I started missing sessions almost right out of the gate to run errands or big favors for my girlfriend or one of her friends. I sometimes had to simply roleplay and have Paul roll for me because I had to leave my computer for countless reasons. On top of all that, my girlfriend even to this day hates that I am in the group and constantly is telling me to leave it, saying that it is pointless and that they probably hate that I am always bailing anyways.
Look, guys, I’m going to level with you. I’m not good with people and especially not good with having friends. I spent years dedicated to people who I called my friends, only to have all of them disappear from my life, for one reason or another. Some were my fault. Others were my girlfriend’s. Some just bailed entirely for no reason that was ever given to me.
And that is just my “friends”. Don’t get me started on family and past relationships.
Long story short: people don’t tend to stick around with me for too long. I just kind of got used to it. And after even the person you would call your best and closest friend just disappears without so much as a goodbye, it starts doing things to you. You even start doubting if people even actually like you.
It’s dumb, definitely, but it doesn’t change that it is the case.
20 months have passed since that day we began our adventure in ETU. I have had a lot happen since then, including losing my job, finding a new one and just trying to find the motivation to even get up and function most days.
But also in that time, I grew to look forward to every Sunday we would play, ETU or otherwise. I looked forward to Paul stressing me out with plot twists and shenanigans. I looked forward to hearing Chris tell me my plans are just the worst and us just laughing about it (again, I promise a story for another time). I looked forward to Cara’s expressive roleplaying and legendary meme-level moments. I looked forward to Kaleb and his “Last time on ETU” recaps and all the dumb things he’d put his poor character through. And although I have yet to mention her, I also looked forward to Paul’s wife, Lisa, always leaving snarky taunts and such in our group chat to ruffle our feathers over the next session. I looked forward to all of us coming together and the passion and love for the story and characters we made being on display.
I suck at having friends. I really am the worst. I’m foul-mouthed, raunchy, headstrong, have a lack of filter to avoid word vomit, will roleplay my character to all their faults and then some and make more dumb references and jokes then I care to admit. Yet after all this time, all this worry and anxiety of being that guy with this group, I don’t think they even thought once about kicking me out. Hell, I don’t think they even joked about it.
While I highly doubt they feel the same about this all as I do, though, here we stand, almost 2 years later at the end of a long and hard-fought journey to stand victorious at the end. I know it is silly. “It’s just a game”, right? I mean, yeah, it is. A long as hell game where we have laughed together, worried together, fought together, shed figurative blood and sweat together and, in general, stuck together and as silly as it is to admit, in that time, I have grown to see them as real friends and comrades who I feel closer to than most anyone else I know right now.
And two of them live in completely different states. One on the other side of the country, for Odin’s sake.
I highly doubt any of them will ever read this, although maybe I will decide to share it and let them look if they want to. On the promise they never tell me they did read it.
But IF they ever did…
Thanks, guys. I know I am not the easiest partner to have on an adventure, but it has meant the world to me that I got to see this through to the end with you. I hope I can look forward to even more moments and journeys with you.
-Vox Ludio
VoxLudioGAME 